I have had an extremely difficult life though it may not be as difficult as others lives but it has not gotten any easier however. When I was 8 years old my father died and at the same time I found out that my family was not my real family and I was adopted and they wanted nothing to do with me and that they only kept me around because of my father though my adoptive mother evantually grew a heart and a wonderful one at that. I was spoiled growing up had all the nice thing but soon realized it was a way of just keeping me happy with out having to really spend any time trying if you get my drift.
They never really paid attention to me or even bothered trying to protect me at the age of 10 I was molested by my uncle, my cousin and at the age of 16 I was raped by 3 men and that was because I ran away from home because I was tired of feeling unloved and went out in to the world to " find it"
Needless to say I never found it I ended up going back home and being put in a group home and having fights with my family over the phone about it and being beat up and picked continually til I fought back and was taken upstate to a more secure facility and then I finally got my act together and went back home and then we all moved to Florida to try and start new and everything was fine till I met sean who to me was God at the time, he showed me love and made me feel wanted and like I meant something so we dated and then we got married and I got pregnant.
Everything was fine for a while and then he told me that is mother had bought a house in Maryland (where I am now still) and that we should go there so I agree wanting to make my husband happy and we moved the shortly after and shortly after his true colors came out. It was late in the evening and I was about almost 9 months pregant 8 1/2 to be exact and he asked me to get up and fix him a hot meal but this time I just was to tired, my back was killing me and I exausted and I suppose this was not good enough for him because he turned around and punched me in the mouth, I was stunned...the man I thought I knew had become someone entirely different and I was more afraid then I have ever been in my life because I had no where to run I was stuck in a state that I knew nothing about and knew no one at all.
The abuse continued for several years and also had escalated to affairs so much so that one time I had decided to try alcohol to forget my issues I suppose and I drunk so much beer that I was to drunk to even move however I was not do drunk to not see what he had done, that night he brought a girl in to the bed I was half asleep on and made love to her right there in front of me, The next morning when I tried to bring it up to him I was beat again, this continued for while though he did not go as far as to bring a woman in again but I knew he was still cheating and God only knows why I put up with all this, evantually I waned to escape and I though the only way was to commit suicide so I went to a doctor and I could not sleep and then took the sleeping pills I was given and took the whole thing.
I don't remember anything after that other then waking up in the hospital 24 hours later apparently my heart had stopped twice, I was addmitted to the psych ward and labled as bipolar for whatever reason but I would not say why I tried to kill myself, I never said the underlying reason, I just said that I wanted out all of a sudden. (I went back home yes why did I do this again?) Then upon arrival a couple of months went by with just minor arguments and then the abuse began again and this time I was almost killed as he attacked me with a machete however there must of been an angel looking out for me as I was never actually cut by the machete that he was swinging at my body.
That is when I left for good and I was told to go on disability by a psych who said that I could not heal form my traumatic life, apparently I was diagnosed with several phobias including one of being out in public alone and also I was diagnosed with posttraumatic stress disorder and other things so I was also addmiited again to hospitals and there I met my true love who had almost gone through the same things as me and he has been literally my rock throughout the rest of my life, my first child I had to give up for adoption because my ex husband said he would not help raise it and would not pay I was so afraid and wanted to give the child a better life.
With my current man I have a little girl her name is Izabella he is also on disablity and the day we met at the hospital was very strange almost as if we were already waiting for one another, evantually we were realeased and lived in a shelter for a while till we got our own place through a program that assists us with these types of things the problem we have now is that we have no moral support here at all, we cant pay our bills with the small checks we have and were afraid of loosing our daughter because money is getting really tight and we have to literally scrape to buy food for us all, she is going to start school and although we make sure she is well fed (shes a hefty little one with a little weight) she does not have good clothes for school, all her clothes have stains and holes and she has no toys either, I feel so bad but I happy she has a roof over hear head and she is safe and has food that we let her eat even if we dont eat.
Our phone is about to get cutt off and the program we are in are mistreating us and taking our money we need so bad to get out of Maryland and back to Florida with my family but that is a big giant step because I know me and my family had hard times but we have worked through it especially me and my mother we both apologized and we have grown closer so much closer and so have me and my sister they say they want me there so bad and I know they do but they do not have the means to come to Maryland then move me to Florida, If I could just find someone who owns a truck or a van or a moving company that would help and we could pay gas it would be SO helpful, I just wish I had a way to get back down there were me and my family could get help I really do not want to loose my daughter she is the light of my life, the light of our life and I know my family would help us immediatly being here in Maryland all alone is devastating, it would not be so bad if my boyfriends family were here but he has no family, his father is in another country, his mother passed two years ago and his brother moved to California a year ago, we are literally alone.
